Hubristic Hipster Hits #9: Peaks and Valleys

Wanting to do one more HHH episode before delving back into the last few parts of the NIN chronology, we dig into the ninth episode with some real good numbers, and some absolutely shit songs from the alternative music, 'indie rock' scene. Strap yourselves in for some salt!

0 - Honest Humility
1 - Objective Self Inflection
2 - Barely A Ball Grab
3 - Some Justified Pride
4 - Gaze Yourself in the Mirror
5 - Decidedly Indecisive
6 - Smelling Your Own Farts
7 - Sunken in Pseudo-Success
8 - Absolutely Up Your Own Ass
9 - Self Congratulatory Autofellatio
10 - Pure Pretention, Incarnate

1. Glass Animals - Black Mambo
(Pretention Level - 10)

Hoo boy, first song in and already a 10 on the pretention scale. Well, Glass Animals has been the most pretentious, 'indie art rock' band to come out of the festering anus of Boston, Portland or San Fransisco. Plucky little strings that aren't meant to inspire atmosphere but 'intrigue', a singer's voice that is nigh indiscernable through the most softest instrumentation, Black Mambo, whatever the fuck that is (it might be a reference to Black Mamba from Kill Bill) is a boring, yet also infuriating song to try to enjoy in any capacity, even unironically so.

2. The 1975 - Somebody Else
(Pretention Level - 1)

And we get our first song that has gotten a 1. Why? This song is pure 80s, without having to rely on similar 80s conventions, and doing just enough to make it more post modern. Despite the name of this song, when I listen to this song, it's very soothing, yet very involving, with it's singers velvety harmonics playing well with the 80s themed drum kicks and Phil Collins meets Tears For Fears vocalization. I have never consistently enjoyed a song to this same degree, because I didn't know anyone could actually make a pure 80s song that is still set in the present. It also goes to show how catchy the chorus is, and once again how involving the lyrics are, despite this being a late night, cruising 80s song much like how 'IN The Air Tonight' by Phil Collins was. The only slight complaint I have is the dour intro to the chorus and main thresh of melodies, but nevertheless, this song breathes that neon golden age of pop music without being overly reliant and doing new things with said medium.

3. Catfish and the Bottlemen - 7 
(Pretention Level - 6)

This song is confused. I'm confused, and the theme of this song is confused. So we get some typical alt right buildup of drums and rock orients, with atypical indie 'singing' (as the singer sounds like he bit his lip and tongue while talking), with broken and disjointed rhyming and rhythm (having to say 'i never want to' very quickly), as well as a bridge that sounds more like the chorus than the chorus does, all under a neat and vague song title about being behind the curve. That's one way of going with it, considering how so many different conventions just get thrown haphazardly as such into this song, but even then, I can't really help myself to hate it, because I'm sure this band REALLY has a prosperous legacy to come (not).

4. Nothing But Thieves - Trip Switch
(Pretention Level - 3)

Another surprise hit for me, when I first heard this song, with it's indistinguishable singer's vocals against a half decent bass riff and drum pad, I was expecting a half hearted attempt of alternative rock music the likes of Foo Fighters, but my expectations got blown away with it's awesome chorus flourish, high hat crashes and catchy chorus lyrics (what will we do when the powers out/ what will we do when the lights go down) combined with on point guitar strings against the mold, these guys at least know how to rip a guitar's strings better than other artists who play it safe (ironically as they are trying to break the mold). While this song isn't without it's fault, with another singer who can't quite get the cotton swabs out of his mouth, but at least this song is riveting for once.

5. Vance Joy - Riptide
(Pretention Level - 9)

Ah, yes, my second cut into one of my favorite punching bags of the indie music scene: Vance Joy. With how much airplay this piece of shit song got on mainstream and alternative radio waves, I knew that this was the new 'Ho Hey'; Coming of age instrumentation, with 'down to earth', bubble space safe strings and Vance Joy's whiny ooohs and aahs, because if you can't put any depth into your song to pad out the length, just fucking ooh and ahh throughout. While this song has more instrumentation than Ho Hey did (also not being a live play), this is the kind of song that I know will have it's instrumentals used for some hipster kickstarter video for a gay retard to critique (I hope you guys know who I'm talking about).

So that was the ninth episode into critiquing these indie artists and their self righteous behavior oozing through their music. For my tenth episode I want to do a double dollop of songs, as I want to do sort of a entire retread of certain artists that I have covered in previous installments of this series. Get tuned in for my tenth episode: 'Round Twos'!